While Chris Trainor goes on and on about inconsequential things, such as the approaching football season and what he terms "an absolutely epic seven game NBA Finals series between the Miami Heat and the San Antonio Spurs," there are far more important matters in the news to contend with.
And Chris, please retire the word "epic." It seems to be the word of choice these days to describe just about anything, including the way you look cooking on your backyard grill wearing your Man of Steel outfit.
You want epic? Just look at that photo of me grilling while wearing an official IJ apron, bud.
Anyway, what's more important is Kanye West and Kim Kardashian chose a name for what we can hope will not be one in a series in procreation by the couple.
North. If you don't know by now, that's the kid's name. How cute. How ridiculously cute. My only hope is they go with a middle name of "Bynorth" as a nod to the 1959 Alfred Hitchcock thriller starring Cary Grant.
But then again, the movie is probably a bit above a Kardashian's threshold, although the gals have amassed far more wealth than Hitchcock did and with far less talent.WHAT IS IT WITH THESE people and the names they give their children? Paris. That was OK for a child of Michael Jackson's, but then look what he did with the others. Prince. OK, we already have an artist formerly and now currently - again - known as Prince, so that was not too difficult to take. But Blanket? Good Lord, who would do that to a child?
George Foreman was bad enough, naming five sons George, followed by numerical designations (other than the junior). You'd think it was a dynasty, and the boys probably had to duck when daddy called their name out in anger. Oh, and the four other sons simply go by nicknames. There's "Monk," "Red," "Little Joey" (what, is he a kangaroo?) and "Big Wheel."
But back to the wonderful relationship between Kardashian and West. Are they already plotting the next three children? Surely they are enamored by the compass and plan to give birth to South, East and West. I think I'd feel less sorry for West West than any of the others.
So many of these celebrities seem to treat their offspring as though they're adopted pound puppies.
John Wayne named his faithful companion "Dog" in the movie "Big Jake." In real life, the giant of the silver screen seemed content to give his seven children rather normal names - although it's obvious he had a thing for names beginning with the letter "M." The kids were Marisa, Melinda, Michael, Patrick, Aissa, Ethan and Toni.
YEARS AGO, IN ANOTHER NEWSPAPER setting and while a single man, I kidded with a co-worker that she and I should get married. She was the son her father never had and so her typically good southern double name was Mary Tom. But it was Mary Tom's last name that sparked my comment we should wed: Bass.
I told her we could enjoy naming our offspring Halibut, Perch, Flounder and so on.
I was kidding. Kanye and Kim, sadly, are not.
Whiting is executive editor of the Index-Journal. Contact him at 943-2522; email email@example.com ,or follow him on Twitter at IJEDITOR. Views expressed in this column are those of the writer only and do not represent the newspaper's opinion.